E-asTTle Practice Writing - Persuasive - English

For the past few English lessons, we've been practising our E-asTTle writing skills. Below are some things I could improve to the text I've written.

I am aiming to improve my writing in the following 3 areas: -Organisation: - Structure & Language - Ideas

I will do this by:

Organisation: I need to improve the flow from one paragraph to the next. My paragraphs don't exactly fit together nicely, I just changed the idea for each paragraph. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I just need to find a way to improve. Structure & Language: I don't think I did too bad on this one, except I could probably throw a few more rhetorical questions in there, also express my opinion a little more so the topic of the text is clearly shown many times throughout the writing.

Ideas: Towards the end, I think it related to the wider world and my ideas had been elaborated on. But, the relation to the wider world isn't very strong and could be a little more sturdy. My ideas weren't very philosophical, so I should improve this too.

Changes:

Scientists Should Not Be Allowed To Test Drugs, Chemicals, Or Cosmetics On Animals

Firstly, I unmistakably agree with the question. Animals should not be used as test subjects. People argue that animals should be used for product testing because how else would we know if the product could injure us? And then there are others who disagree with these people and think animals should not be test subjects. Do you think scientists should be allowed to carry out these experiments?

I, of course, think they shouldn't. There are various different animals used for scientific, chemical, cosmetic, and drug products/research such as; fish, rats, guinea pigs, rabbits, birds, and more. They use animals because they’re not considered ‘human’ and can’t talk back to refuse. This is also a reason why people think animals should not be used for testing- because of the fact they can’t talk and defend themselves.

That reason specifically is why I think animals should not be used for tests. They can’t defend themselves from the pain scientists cause. Just because they are not human, it doesn’t eliminate their sensations of pain. When they are tested, they’re put in harm's way. The products used on the animals could very well be (and usually is) toxic or lethal. Here’s a frightful fact; did you know over 100 million animals are crippled, abused, poisoned and killed in US labs alone each year?

Aside from the obvious abuse, another reason, 92% of most drugs tested safe on the animals are not always safe for humans considering our different DNA. While they were perfecting the ‘safe’ product, I’m sure many animals perished for no reason because, in the end, we can’t even use the product. 

I don’t think animals should be used as test subjects anymore. It could cause a lot of species to become extinct. Before we know it, animals won’t inhabit earth anymore and there’ll be only us. We need animals more than they need us, so we should start treating them with respect instead of sickening lab experiments. So, what do you think?

(Key: Unchanged text: This Changed text: This)